Another Frog

Met a frog for coffee about a month ago...  LOL   Coffee shop is always a great place to meet.  I was there before he came and grabbed a cup of tea.  Not enough connection for a second cup of coffee.   I think there has to be some kind of attraction and interest to keep conversation flowing both ways.   It's deja vu all again. I've done this before, had "boyfriends" that lasted about a year, then "poof" they turned back into toads.  Do I really want to tell my story, childhood, etc... (you know all of that first few date question/answer session) time and time again?  I don't know if I should just leave it to fate...and forget this internet stuff.  I'm picky and refuse to settle. I have to be attracted to someone in a few aspects. Got to WANT to kiss the frog right??

You said what?

In the initial note to someone, a nice short note is sufficient.  For the most part, I immediately delete any notes that are suggestive in nature, address me as "baby", "babe", "darlin'" "honey" or that are a dissertation of your life.  It is kind of strange too when men write: "You are absolutely gorgeous" and that's it.   I mentioned in my profile that I like to cook and today I received a 4 paragraph letter about a vegetarian diet and how this gentleman feels.  What?  I wanted to write back and tell him where to find the best hamburger in town.... but I'm still searching for it.

I have corresponded with a few men on a site that I think I would enjoy meeting one day.  I pretty much will leave the ball in their court once a few e-mails have been exchanged.  I'm not going to be a desperate chaser (hunters are the men right?), because basically, I'm not desperate and I don't make it a habit to chase men.   If a guy is interested they can continue the correspondence.  I would be happy to chat and meet up with one of them for coffee.  I guess I'm just old fashioned in that way.  I don't really want to continue chatting for months, weeks, ok... perhaps a week or two.  I really don't want a pen pal.  So, let's meet up and call it a cup of coffee and see if we want to meet again.  Simple.

I will let it be what it is........

Some guys I'm just not interested in meeting. I'm sure the feeling is mutual from the other perspective too.  I have found that arrogant people are going to be arrogant in their chats too!  LOL.... Are certain professions just hiring arrogant people?  Ok, I'm just kidding on that one.

Today, I'm kind of disillusioned with the entire dating on line deal.  Luckily for me I have a few good books to read, had a few hours of art today, photography meeting Friday night, pizza with friends, and a birthday party to attend on Saturday.  I'm not home alone crying in my pillow waiting for my phone to ring, or my e-mail tone to "bing".  Last night, my eldest son came over for dinner.  Nothing brings me greater joy than having my sons join me for dinner.  All they have to do is call and say: "mom, are you cooking tonight?" and the answer will always be "yes"!

I trust in fate too.  Perhaps, it's not in my given plan to meet anyone.  A family member told me one time that if I wanted to be dating, I could be dating.  Sure, I could settle for anyone that asks me out, but I have to have some kind of connection, mutual interest, or attraction from the get go.  I'm sure I could go to a bar and find a date, but that just isn't my personality.

Such is the life of a single woman.  There are thousands of men out there on line. I'm truly amazed at the vast number of dating sites.  Some of the profiles do provide a bit of comic relief.  Many men (and I'm sure women too) leave absolutely no doubt to what they are seeking in a relationship.  Some of them can just keep looking.  I've got a book to read tonight.

Corresponding with "the one" ....or not

How can people believe that their soul mate is somewhere in the world?  Further more, how can someone think their soul mate is, as luck would have it, within 25 miles of you?  Sometimes I believe that my soul mate must live in Kathmandu!  Nothing wrong with the Himalayas, but I am beginning to wonder about the entire dating process.

Rejection hurts everyone..... Sure there are guys that have sent me a quick message, but I just don't see the connection.  I'm getting a tad, just a tad,  braver about sending someone a comment.  Not a lengthy letter or dissertation or anything, but a comment.  Yes, the reverse is true too... I'm rejected too via the "inbox" (you have mail....NOT) .  Better to be rejected before meeting someone right?

I find that common interest are not mutual on line either.  One guy wrote: "why do all women think we want to immediately be intimate?" (I took the liberty of changing his wording).   I came so close to responding: "When a guys "read me first" line is "Gr8kisser" you kind of get the idea that he wants intimacy.  He needs to look at some of the male profiles before making that kind of statement.  Along that line, one guy was tired of seeing self portraits taken with a phone camera. Out of focus, in the car, and cleavage shots!! I just started laughing.  The cleavage shot needs to get with "gr8kisser" and just call it a day.

I can laugh because the more I look on-line, the more disillusioned I become.  Sure, I would like to meet the man of my dreams (not sure about the "soul mate to complete me" jibberjabber), but I am also content with the life that I lead.  I may meet him at the grocery store, coffee shop (I actually did meet a guy I dated for a bit at a coffee shop), or if I climb Mt. Everest one day, in Kathmandu, Nepal!

With Spring weather coming around, I have plenty to keep me busy and occupied.  The late night times, when I do all of serious "woe is me", "I'm just not attracting the right guy", "what's wrong with me?" thoughts is when I think about, or wish I had a man in my life that thinks I'm the "cats meow" (where the heck did that saying originate?).  Thankfully, I enjoy reading, so even those times are few and far between.  I can read until I'm so tired that I don't have time to think..... Now, if I would quit waking up at 3am and start thinking, that would be a great night!

My family and friends are my blessings in my life..............and my life is good!

Interesting Dates

I've been on quite a few one time coffee dates, several "ok, let's see where this goes" dates, and one or two long term (wow!! This is the one!  I just know it!) dates.  I've been on a date where I swear I didn't get a word in edgewise. There are a few "Mr. Knowitalls" out there......

If you've just been thrown out of the house 4 months ago by "your wife", I certainly don't want to go on anything more than one coffee date, and one is ONE too many. Only went that one time because someone wasn't truthful in his profile.

I will say that I have met some interesting people in the past.... last time I tried on line dating was about 7 years ago.

There are a lot of guys that I would have enjoyed being friends with from the past.  They were looking for someone that wasn't me and moved on after a few dates.  I want to get to know someone as a friend and get to know them before I get serious about a relationship.

Some that have never been married in their 40's just couldn't, or didn't want to give up the "single and dating a lot of women" status.  I've only been asked to be married ONE time!  That's another story in of itself.  If anyone ever finds my journals written during my separation, they would know the heartbreak I felt for years.

Many men are too self centered and want a woman that they can mold to fit their expectation.  I told one guy that if I change, I wouldn't be me any more.  Sure there are some things that can be changed, but both people have to be willing to make some changes.  If one is a planner and one is a spontaneous person, this is something that can be worked on together.  If one loads the dishwasher one way and another... OH WAIT!! Someone else loading the dishwasher! I don't care how it's loaded as long as someone else is doing it.  LOL

I have found that if a person lives too far away, there is no time for impromptu cups of coffee or walks in the park.  You have to plan ahead and work schedules make it difficult too.  I have found that if a person really is interested in you, and wants to spend time with you, they will fit you into their schedule.  I prefer to meet someone that lives relatively close by.


If I meet someone, I meet someone. If I don't, I'm content with my life.

Yeah... I'll read this profile

I find these profiles most interesting:

Have a photo of yourself!  Admit it, we all do it. What is the saying? Within the first few minutes the interviewer knows if he/she wants to hire you.  Well, it's pretty much the same for photos.  You can get a little idea, at least, of how they carry themselves, care about their appearance, etc...   Here is a hint though... Don't post a photo of you with a date, even if her face has a big yellow smiley face posted on it.

Post one or two photos of you doing something you enjoy. I admit, part of the attraction to photos is that photography is a hobby of mine.

The online sites usually have little areas to ask about your interest, tell a little about yourself, etc... At least put something in these blanks.  I'm not thrilled about writing a lot about myself, but I do put enough information to let people know some of my interests.  There are some really creative people that do write what they enjoy.  So you like to paint, but you haven't finished a painting in months (and you post the unfinished painting). What kind of books do you like to read? Movies?  Get the picture?  People want to get just a little bit of what you like.  You don't have to go overboard and write a dissertation though.

Write about your strong points and things that really make you enjoy your life.  On the other hand, writing about what a great kisser you are, isn't something I want to read about in your profile.  I don't want to hear about all of the other women in your past either.  I'm spiritual and my faith is important to me, but there are dating sites for those that write Biblical verses all through their profile.

Keep your profile positive.... So you may be lonely and frustrated with your life.  You certainly don't want to put that in your profile.  "Lonely and frustrated man looking for a woman" screams "I'm desperate" among other things if you read between the lines.  The more you act and show that you have positive thoughts, the more people will consider your profile.  I know that I have had a few laughs at the humor of some profiles. Can one copyright a profile?

I saw a photo today of a guy in an apron with dogs on it!  He said it was taken at a store which made it even more humorous for me.  I really giggled at that one and thought: "that guy really does have a sense of humor"!

Be truthful.... so you are a stripper instead of an computer geek... write it!  (This happened to a friend of mine).  You never know, someone may be looking for a stripper.  The previous comment does not reflect what the writer (me) is looking for as a profession on profiles... well not the stripper anyway.

Profile blunders... as I see them

I'm sure there are people that will read just about any profile, but I'm very selective:  I won't read these:

If you are in a tee shirt, in a recliner, holding a remote in one hand and taking photo with camera phone.

You take your photo with your phone and apparently you only get a quarter of your face in the photo...

A blurry photo

You are holding a dead fish, or a dead deer, or dead anything for that matter.  I'm sure there are many women who enjoy hunting, but this is just me personally.

If you have a pet snake...... Audible Scream!!  No WAY would I ever go to your house.

You like the "simple things" (translation...... no splurge for anything).

If you love rustic camping!  Why would I want to vacation somewhere that isn't even as nice as my house. Plus,  have no facilities!! I wouldn't know poison ivy if I saw it, so it would be very difficult for me.

The infamous bathroom mirror shot!! Seriously, Don't you have any friends to take your photo?

If your headline says something like:  "looking for a good woman and a lover"

                                                        "discrete relationship only"  (I'm guessing so your wife won't know)

                                                         Your disease  (So not kidding!! I actually saw this)

                                                         

                                                         "transvestite"  (Aren't there sites for this kind of desired relationship)

                                                       

                                                         6 kids (that I know of)  

                                                         "I know how to treat a woman" (you would not believe how many men  

                                                          use this line). 

     

                                                         "I'm a great kisser" !  Well, that's all well and good, but who were the 

                                                          judges?

If you want a woman that has a "great build", shouldn't you care about your physique?

If you have your entire last relationship spelled out in detail, you need to get over that one first before you start another.

If you are still married.

If you just want a pen pal.... again, there are sites for pen pals

If you don't have any interests listed at all, I'm assuming you are too busy to write details. If you are too busy to do that, how can one make time to date.  

No photo! Ha!  We all look at photos and decide if there is a physical attraction possible.

If your profile has used all 1000 words available for each section, will you ever stop talking about yourself when we meet in person.? I've actually been on a date where I couldn't get a word in edgewise!  

Introduction

This is my basic story......

Grew up, fell in love, married my sweetheart, divorced after 16 year marriage, overcome by grief, dated, stopped dating, happy being single, but kissing a few frogs!

In my honest opinion, tis not better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.  I know that happy, (cupid aimed just right), feeling that comes with dating/marrying someone you love.  My fairy tale ended and my prince left the castle and kingdom.  I have learned that you can't make that darn glass slipper fit no matter how hard you try.  That prince has to want it to fit too.  Anyway, life goes on no matter if I'm single or not!  

It's really not so bad being single, except on that darn Hallmark Holiday of Valentines.  Even when I was married, I much rather receive flowers during any other of the 364 days of the year. It still stings so much that I happily go to the grocery store on Feb. 15th (Valentine's Delay Day) and purchase a beautiful bouquet of flowers for my kitchen table....at HALF-Price! Who doesn't love a bargain?

After kissing a few frogs over the years since my divorce, I decided to quit dating and not care if I was single.  I'm only fooling myself. I don't like being single, but I will not compromise myself, morals, etc... just to be dating "Mr. Wrong". It's painful when feelings aren't mutual.  I get to the point of just keeping stuff inside instead of sharing.  Those year relationships end in a sudden magic cloud of dust....and just as bad as Carrie (from Sex in the City) getting a breakup via a post it note. Yep..... I've had a text and worse of all..NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING.  

I do the same thing that others do with online dating.  If I don't like what I read in your profile, or your picture just isn't my "cup of tea", I'm not going to go out and pretend to be someone I'm not.  I will say that I've written a few guys that have attractive profiles (and photos are the bonus), yet... I'm not their cup of tea.  It's a vicious cycle.  I do find some things amusing though...... Oh my goodness.... 

The things people write on their profiles!!